There are two times in my life where time seemed to just
stop or slow down. One was one of the best, the birth of my son Michael. It
seemed surreal, holding him in my arms and taking him to get weighed the first
time.
The other was hearing when my brother Scott passed away. I
was driving home to my house in Tempe, AZ from my brother Jason’s place. He
called and told me I had to come back right away. I asked what was wrong but he
would not tell me. He just said I needed to come back. I opened the door and
there Jason stood crying. He told me that Scott had died. Shock and dread hit
me all at once. I think I remember stammering out “How?” He told me that Scott
and his family were at the lake. He and his two sons had gotten into a pedal
boat. The two boys jumped out in the water, but it was so cold. This lake was
being fed from the mountain snow so the temperature was freezing. Scott jumped
in to help his two kids back into the paddle boat. When he jumped in, the boat started
floating away. He had to save his kids. From what I gathered, when he tried to
go back to the boat, it would just get farther, so he held his two kids until
someone could come get them. It was a bit before they could get out there. They
brought the two boys into the boat and when they reached for Scott, he was not
there. I still get emotional thinking about it. Even while typing this, tears
come to my eyes.
As Jason told me this, I started to cry. I could not believe
it. I had just talked to him in the last few days. Jason started looking at
pictures of Scott but I could not handle it. I went home and laid in bed. The
next day, I tried to go to work. My manager had his one on one with me and
during the meeting, I started crying again. He asked me what was wrong. I told
him that my brother had passed away last night. We ended the meeting and he
sent me home. Jason and I went to Saint George for Scott’s funeral. I remember going
down to see the body. The funeral director asked if we wanted to dress him.
Jason and Paul did not want to, but I felt that a family member should do it.
His body seemed like a wax statue of him. He had the same crewcut I remembered
and the pockmarks on his face were still there but the impish smile was gone.
The mischievous sparkle in his eyes were no longer there. I put on his shirt
and his socks. I proceeded to put his tie around his neck. When I went to cinch
the knot, I left it a little down. The director said I needed to bring it up
higher and I told him I did not want to hurt him. I started weeping then.
Looking at him and realizing I could not possibly hurt him. The director said
that was good. I went back upstairs to join my family.
Scott’s funeral was nice. We laid him to rest in the memorial
cemetery in Saint George. I started to have nightmares. I was in the boat and
would reach for Scott in the water but would watch him sink beneath the
surface. I would watch as he went down to the bottom. This has been a recurring
nightmare and had it again last night.
I have been having this feeling that I need to put down some
of my memories of Scott. I am getting older and don’t really want to forget
some of them. Right now his memories are precious to me and want to hold on to
them as long as I can.
Scott Daniel Pederson was born on October 27 1977. It was in
Bessemer AL. I remember mom bringing him home in the small apartment we lived
in. He was number six. The main thing I remember that year was that, it was the
same year Star Wars came out. People would joke and ask why did they not name
him Luke? My name is Matthew, my brothers middle name was Mark and everyone
called him that. We just needed a Luke and a John. My dad said he hated the
name Luke, so that was that. I don’t really remember him too much when he was a
baby. Not until we moved to Palatka did his personality really started to come
out.
We moved to Palatka and more specifically with my grandparents.
My Dad was looking for a job, so we moved in with them until he could find one.
Scott was around three when he got very sick, he started to have hallucinations
that dump trucks and monsters were coming at him. I remember thinking dump
trucks? Who’s afraid of a dump truck? I guess when you are little, they can
seem pretty terrifying. My mom put him in a cool bath, to try and bring his
fever down. It must have worked, because he stopped yelling and screaming. This
kid was always smiling and laughing. My grandpa Deloach stuck him with the
nickname “Good Time Charlie”. He would say that kid always has a smile on his
face. One time when Scott was in a bad mood, Grandpa started singing, “Good
Time Charlie’s got the blues.” Which promptly
turned that frown upside down.
Scott had the whitest hair growing up. It remained pretty
white until he got older. He would tag around with Jason and I asking if he
could play with us. Jason and I would play superheroes and other imaginary
games. Scott would always ask if he could play. Most of the time we would say
no.
We moved to Saint Augustine and Scott really started to come
out. He was very outgoing and never lacked for friends. I do remember one time
where he got sick and could not control his bowels while he slept. We woke up
to the most horrid smell. It was all over his bed.
I had also watched Karate Kid during this time and wanted to
see if the famous kick would actually work. Scott volunteered to see if it
would. He stood by the wall in the bedroom and I proceeded to try. Unfortunately,
it worked a little too well. My foot hit his chin, his head hit the wall and
the picture right above him came down on top of him. Blood started oozing out
of his head. I got in big trouble but all I could think of was that it worked!!
My brothers and I would go down to Crookshank school and
play. One time, Scott and I found an adult magazine that was on the table. We
decided to sneak it home and take a peek. We got in the bedroom and made sure
the door was closed. Once we were assured that no one could see us, we opened
up the treasure trove. We quickly realized this was a Playgirl magazine!! It had
a bunch of naked men!! We were disgusted and went down to the ditch by our
house and threw it in the water. We did not want to see that again.
Scott looked like a popular singer at the time, Billy Idol.
He would get his hair wet and think spike it up to try and emulate the singer.
One thing about him is that he was always willing to go along with whatever hare-brained
scheme I had. Jason would sometimes back out, when his common sense would kick
in. Luckily for experience level, Scott and my common sense were nowhere to be
found!!
Scott would always borrow my clothes, if you see pictures of
him in his younger years, it was usually with one of my shirts on him.
Scott and I bonded a lot closer when I came back from my
mission. I was twenty-one and he was 14. One of my favorite bands at the time
was Depeche Mode. I loved Martin Gore and cut my hair like his. Scott wanted
the same haircut. We went in the bathroom and I proceeded to cut his hair.
Remember what I said about common sense earlier? He loved his new haircut or at
least he told me he did. My dad was not very happy but at least Scott liked it.
Scott and I would go out by the huge oak tree in the backyard
and talk about life. To this day those conversations are very important to me.
One memory that I love and shared at his funeral, was that
Scott was willing to do anything. He comes out of the shower with just his
towel and says to Jason and I. “You dare me to run out in the road with just my
towel, wave it around and run back in?” Sure we exclaimed. He runs out and we
proceed to lock all the doors and windows. He tries to run back in but to no avail.
He starts knocking on the door and we open it up a crack and grab his towel,
then quickly shut the door again. He is now running around the house with no
clothes on, trying to find an open window or door. Once again, we got in trouble
but it was worth it.
Once I got married, unfortunately I started to drift away.
Listening to bad advice and lies, I was not close with my family. Scott refused
to let the separation happen and would try and keep calling me. He would leave
voicemails for me to call him back. Once I got divorced, it was game on again!
He was married with two handsome boys. He had been in the Army
and Norway on his mission. I got to see him in the Dixie play, “The Crucible”
He was so good. This was something we had in common. I wanted to be a playwright
and he had wanted to be an actor. Instead, I joined the Air Force and he joined
the Army.
We both loved the same books and movies. I would talk to him
about plays and he said he would love to act in one of mine. That was our
little daydream.
My last time seeing him alive was when we went on a trip to
Vegas with Jason. Scott and I decided to drive up together. I am so glad we
did. We talked the whole time. He strived to be a good father but he did not
think he was the best husband sometimes. Being newly divorced, I tried to share
some of my lessons I had learned. He said that he says things to his wife that
he wished he could take back. Its so hard though once they come out to bottle
them back in.
The next morning, I got up with him as he was leaving. I
hugged him and wished him a safe trip. That was the last time I saw him. I
talked to him a couple of times after that on the phone.
Scott was and is one my best friends. Not only a brother, but
someone I could rely on. I miss him all the time. There has been a hole in my
life since he left which can never be filled. I love you brother forever and
for always.
